So much to do!

This is my once beautiful craft room that has been renamed "the junk room". Looking at this mess is getting me no were, sitting at the computer isn't either. Moving day is the 24th and i feel it closing in on me. There is so much i want to blog about. Lucy and i have been everywhere cause the weather is so great and the renovations on the house are really coming along. There is still so much more to tell about France, just to name a few things i really want to post about. But they can wait. I need to clean out the cabinet under the sink, call the exterminator, buy paint for the kithchen and start packing the closet in the junk room... um, today, ahh so much to do. I'm tired just thinking about it.

We are having a painting party Saturday and i have to get supplies for that too!! I'll be glad when this part is over. And I actually think i'm going to get a Prince Caspian date with Brian tomorrow - yeah right!! I'll post more pictures of the house soon. You are gonna love it!

Breakthrough

I am so thankful for the support around me right now. I know there are so many people praying that we will find the right house and i am so grateful for that. I've been talking to the Lord about my feelings about the house and how discouraged i've been. I realized i was doing exactly what i can't stand in other people. Saying things like IF I ONLY HAD ...... i'd be happy. fill in the blank with whatever, boyfriend, husband, baby, job whatever it is. Wanting something so bad you just can't think about anything else or anyone else.

Because i arrogantly i think to myself well if Jesus was filling every part of them they wouldn't feel like they need that something to be whole. Jesus would be making them whole. So now it's my turn. That is where i have sinned. I am now confessing this to you. In addition to the sin of judging others, I really somehow got to the point that i believed if we had a house i would be so much happier, settled, whole, at peace. I was wrong. I recognize that having a house will be a good thing i'm sure but, i want to refocus and remember that all of those things i was thinking a house would give me, really comes from my relationship with Jesus. i want to be whole in Him. This Lent has been hard not constantly searching for a house, but I know as He teaches me that He is all i need to be full, my heart will be at peace. As i was listening to Pray as you Go this week the passage was Jeremiah 17:7 I felt like it was just for me

7 But blessed is the woman who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 She will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; (August due date)
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

This is what i want to be is unmoving. Always trusting in Him. I want to be this to Brian, Lucy and baby on the way, and to my family and friends. I hate for people to worry," Oh no what is Joy going to do now that things aren't going her way?" I feel like they have to brace them selves for all my whining and complaining when things aren't going well. Wouldn't it be nicer if they thought, "This is going to be a hard time on Joy, but she has really learned to handle when things don't go her way, she is trusting in Jesus, she'll be fine" And NOT be afraid to be around me! I know especially for poor Brian who sees me and hears my every complaint, i'd especially love for him to feel safer around me.

If i continue to keep going to the Source to let His word change my heart and perspective i am confident this image of the tree by the water can and will be me one day, and i will never fail to bear fruit. I am so thankful for this passage this week it has been food for my soul.

Thank you for all your sweet comments and your prayers. I know there are so many others that are going thru a much more difficult time of waiting than i but it means so much to me that you know my heart and care for me. Thank you.

Waiting is so hard

*Warning, the following post might be kinda of a downer - i promise i in no way want to discourage you today, i'm just trying honesty on for size. If you've read my blog in the past you would have never come across one of these. here goes. You may want to plan on getting a latté when you get done. i know i am!

We went out with Jason our realtor on Saturday and looked at half a dozen houses. There was a couple of cute ones but none we were ready to commit to. We told Jason that we didn't want to look anymore. We have an email notifying us of any new listings, so we sit tight till then. I'm going crazy doing that! I just keep wanting to paint a room or rearrange. I go back and forth on does Lucy need her own room or do i need the craft room more. It's about use ablitliy. We play in there anyway and she sleeps so good in the nice dark walk-in right now i don't know if i want to mess with her sleep. Since in 6 short months we'll all be loosing sleep. Just trying to get as much as i can.

I was so discouraged when we got home Sat i felt sick, like a nervous sick when you have to have a talk with someone you hurt or something. I had this sick feeling we were never going to find the right place. Cause we are so stinking picky! Sunday was terrible too. I just feel like i have nothing to look forward to, not even the baby... cause i just keep thinking, where am i going to put him? don't get me wrong i am so excited about this baby and my nesting is kicking in but i have no where to nest! i have nested and renested this apartment till it is what it is till we leave here. I know it will work out and Jesus knows what we need but what the heck am i supposed to do in the mean time.

My dad died 4 years ago this Sunday, Feb 24th i can't believe it has been that long. This waiting for the "answer" of which house it is (cause i convince myself if i just knew where i could settle down and be creative again and wait till closing or renovations or whatever) has reminded me so much of that month of waiting for dad to die. I know that sounds terrible but the truth is my dad died way before Feb 24th. If you have ever been around someone with cancer you know that chemo kills them a little at a time. For weeks i remember just getting in to the shower and praying that today would be the day that he would go. When you have spend all day and all night taking shifts with your mom to spoon feed your dad and take him to the bathroom all you want is for it to be over and never have to do it again. While we waited, we could do nothing, but wait. Some how we survived but i couldn't even dream of what i would do when it was all over i just wanted it to be over, to go out side, to some how move on with my life with out my dad. I know i'm waiting for something wonderful this time for a baby and a house. But the feeling is so similar. I don't feel creative, energetic, excited about anything, i just go thru every day wondering what i should do today and will I have hope or not.

When i got back that year after my dad died, mid march, i changed everything! I went on a diet, i started yoga and swimming i bought new cloths i decorated my apartment. i mean EVERYTHING changed. I feel that kind of change brewing. I know having a house will renew my motivation for many things and having another child will tire that motivation out but i know everything will change again. I look forward to this. I am not the kind to resist change. i love change. i always have.

I ran across a blog today. Her name is Heather. As i am whining about not having a house, she is happy that her MRI was clear from cancer. There's a shot of perspective for you.

Brian says when he is discouraged about something the best remedy is Thanksgiving. Here is what i am thankful for right now.

- My sweet friends. After a yucky day on Sunday something urged me to go see Gaylyn that night. I felt so sick i told Brian i'd be back in 20 min as i walked out the door at 7pm. Um.. got home after 2am. Thanks for a great time Gay! i love spending time with you your coffee and stories make me feel 17 again and cheered me up so much! She even made me heart shaped brownies!!

Then Kim came by yesterday for a bit and we had a great talk. She was sharing with me what she had just learned about the Good Shepherd. I had just read a section of psalm 23 that day. no coincidence i'm sure! She said that sheep are so dumb that if they are prone to wander that the shepherd will break it's legs to teach him not to leave the flock. Then carries him till his legs are healed. So bizarre! needless to say i feel like my legs are broken right now.

- Sacred Space "By quiet waters he leads me, to revive my drooping spirit." (Psalm 23) This was part of the intro prayer. This is such a sweet site to help refocus my mind. it's short and sweet.

- Brian and i have started doing chapel a couple of nights a week using the Celtic Daily Prayer book and singing Cuirim songs, sometimes we feel like it sometimes we don't. We have a schedule so we do it when we've decided we will either way. when we get done, every time we are glad we did. We feel lighter. last night we read, Because Your loving-kindness is better than life, My lips will praise You. Psalm 63:3

there are so many more things to be thankful for like her nap right now and my sweet Brian caring so much for me i'll spend the rest of the day thinking of them. Will you join me? Kel? even tho your renovation isn't done yet - what are you thankful for?
Holli? altho you don't live in the burg right this minute- what are you thankful for? Heather altho you are freezing and hibernating in the snow- what are you thankful for? Heidi, altho your whole family is sick AGAIN - what are you thankful for?
Can, altho closing got put off another freaking week -what are you thankful for? Kim, altho long distance relationships SUCK - what are you thankful for?

i know the rest of you got some junk going on that sucks too - what are you thankful for?

Oh how i've missed you

We've finally got our very own internet, after bumming off our neighbors for the past 4 years. So to make it up to them we didn't password protect ours this time. Soooo I'm back. I have missed blogging so much. Every time i would think of coming back, i just thought no that's not witty enough or that's not important. Well i've decided to blog and i'm going to write what is on my mind. I just want to be faithful. Which is another reason why i haven't posted anything. I thought if i start then i don't keep up then i've let myself down again. But here it is. Me. no caps, no spell check or grammar check and some serious run on sentences. When i go back to my old posts to see what was going on. I'm always glad i wrote it somewhere. Here's to new beginnings. I'm so excited!

The Great news is that we are pregnant with #2! Yippee! i have been praying for a boy for months now. I had such a great pregnancy and delivery with Luce that i was just dying to do it again. Plus my great Dr. Phemister just makes you want to get knocked up so you can go see him again. Dr Bakers girls know what i'm talking about. So yes after a long time of deciding if i was going to leave the practice and go to Forest Women's Center or not i've decided i'm staying with my favorite doctor. I was so worried that i'd get one of the less liked doctors at our practice i was going to leave. But i can't. I was really making that choice out of fear anyway and i don't want to have any fear in this pregnancy either. We are 3 mos pregnant and pretty excited about this new little one. I've had some pretty bad days and weeks sitting around watching Gilmore Girls and sleeping every time Lucy does. Poor tired Brian comes home and takes care of Lucy for me. Good news is i'm over the ginger ale and saltines, i've graduated to orange juice - lots of orange juice and cheetos and pickles. Pretty much eating that all day long. Luce loves the pickles too.

The update on the house is not such a happy story. We saw Yeardley 323 for the first time in September and it took us a long time to decide we wanted to live there and get the kind of loan we needed to redo the kitchen, the floors and add the new bathroom. The house is in really bad shape. It is basically a party house. Take a look. So needless to say if we ever got this house we would have to pressure wash it in Holy Water before we could actually live in it. The closing was a couple of weeks ago but no we don't own the house. The owner who was about to be foreclosed on decided she wasn't making enough or something and ditches her realtor and us and never showed up. He still has no idea where she is. We just talked to him yesterday and basically she still owns the house not the bank, so we can't get it. it's not for sale. i can't believe we have been looking for a house for this long. It's just so crazy. I've always loved this apartment (Except for grocery day, we are on the 2nd floor) but it's just getting to be tight. This baby keeps on growing inside me and Lucy sleeps in her closet bedroom so i can have a craft room and i want a house soo badly. We loved this Yeardley house so much specifically because of the location. it was backed up to Alistair Mcphersons house, across the street from Kelly a block from the Ashcrofts, walking distance from both Torrences. So sad that we didn't get it. But- the good news is that that loan we were getting into was all wrong. I'm so glad God saved us from that. It was way more than we planned on getting it for and the closing costs were astronomical! I am such a mix of thankfulness that he kept us from that loan but so sad that we have to start over. It's kinda like being dumped at the altar.

Brian and i have decided we aren't going to start "dating" right away. It's so easy to get sucked into the search and just go crazy with it all again. it's so addicting, tiring and draining. We have decided we are giving up the search for Lent. If someone mentions a house we should see then maybe we'll see it on a Sunday, but as for us, our Safari will stay away from Lynchburg MLS.

I got an email recently from Soule Mama. I had asked her for some advice on my blog and being myself and being faithful in posting. She was so encouraging. I love her blog. take a look it will make you want to spend more time with your kids, making things, and getting away from your computer. Crazy how she does that WITH her computer. Thanks Soule Mama!

Well that's me for now. lets see how faithful i can be on my "new" blog.